People deterred from STEM fields by Matt Taylor’s t-shirt and the pointless debate it’s created

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A public poll this morning has shown fewer graduates of science, technology, engineering and medicine (STEM) subjects would consider a career in the field following the debate over Dr. Matt Taylor’s clothing choice for a press conference yesterday.

The scientist was one of the key figures involved in the Rosetta space mission, which landed a probe on a comet for the first time in recorded history (and likely in unrecorded history too). Yesterday in a press conference he wore a t-shirt depicting scantily-clad women firing guns, which stirred controversy on the internet for being sexist and perpetuating misogynistic attitudes in the science industry. These in turn are threatening to put women off from entering the male-dominated field.

A poll of 1500 people consisting of whoever was awake at 10am GMT on a Sunday showed that the number of STEM graduates who’d consider doing a PhD or post doctorate dropped to 45%, compared to 64% before the press conference. Among the reasons cited was the fear of being accused of being a misogynist unless they accepted without any debate the opinions of people who claim to speak on behalf of all the oppressed demographics in the world. Poll participants were particularly put off by the idea that they would be unable to refute an argument based on its merits when it would literally be their fucking job as scientists to do just that, just because it originated from a particular person.

One of the few people who could be arsed to use the box reserved for additional comments added: “I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to suggest that maybe there was an overreaction to a given sexist event and instead of being told why I’m wrong I’ll be told to check my white privilege, tattoo “SHITLORD” on my forehead or something rational and thought-provoking like that”.

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Richard Madeley discovered being behind Twitter trolls

Spring Book Club launch - London

The face that once greeted the unemployed every morning has been discovered to be behind the Twitter accounts calling for the rape of his daughter, following an investigation by the police.

Data from Twitter revealed that 15 of the accounts responsible for sending the inflammatory tweets were all registered within two hours of each other on 15 October, and by the same IP address that can be pinpointed to Hampstead, London, where Madeley lives. However, many of the twitter trolls are believed to legitimate accounts, and are suspected to have simply joined in on action.

Friends close to Madeley shed light on his motivation for the attack, revealing that he was “incredibly annoyed” by his wife’s comments but didn’t have the energy to call her out over it directly. He also had a fair few to drink that night, which brought out the spitefulness in him – “As a father, Richard knew that the worst thing you can do is to threaten someone’s child.” They also claim that Madeley has since learnt his lesson, and in future will use a proxy or TOR to hide his identity on the internet.

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Ebola epidemic sees spike in users playing Pandemic game

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The current epidemic of the Ebola virus disease, which has claimed over 3,000 lives so far, has caused web traffic to the website hosting the Pandemic game to double since the outbreak.

The web-based Flash game allows the player to create and customise their own microbial agent, in an attempt to infect and kill as much of Earth’s population as possible. The game allows anyone with a stable internet connection to simulate and experience the horrors of a lethal virus, bacteria or parasite that leaves pus and destruction in its wake without having to risk so much as stepping outside their home, a luxury unfortunately not afforded to those residing in West Africa.

Pandemic’s resemblance to real-life events has brought the game back into the public conscience, with number of visitors to crazymonkeygames.com (where the game can be played) doubling 24 hours after news that a man in Texas has contracted Ebola. However, players are quick to admit that the outbreak is rather unrealistic. The main complaint is that no player would ever invest evolution points in lethal symptoms like haemorrhaging this early in the game, and should rather try to get transmission up as quickly as possible. The other is that the virus has managed to spread to two regions without Madagascar closing its ports.

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South West trains to offer working class seating

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The current rolling stock will be outfitted with handlebars on the outside to allow up to 50 passengers to travel on the outside of each carriage.

Rail operator South West Trains is to introduce new “working class” tickets from 2017, as part of a drive to provide more affordable travel at the cost of comfort and dignity.

From January 2017, passengers will have the option of buying discounted peak, off-peak and season tickets that will allow them to cling to the side of the train. For the weak, elderly and otherwise unable to hold on to a metal tube flying at 100km/h for an hour, there is the option of lying prone inside the carriage for the same price. To discourage buying a cheaper fare and having the privilege of sitting down, South West will issue a £100 fine to any working class ticket holders found sitting down or looking like they aren’t completely humiliated, or if they are caught clinging to the first class carriage. A spokesperson for South West justified the latter fine: “It would ruin the experience for our First Class customers if they had to endure hearing the screams of passengers falling to their death after losing their grip.”

The new pricing system has been well-received: Southern praised its quasi-competitor South West for being an industry leader for offering not only cheaper fares, but also a way to increase the capacity of the current rolling stock. “All this time we’ve been thinking of how to pack more people inside the trains or get more of them. Not once did we consider hanging them on the outside like a student’s wardrobe. Genius.”

However, the move comes as a complete surprise to many, as it appears to contradict the rail company’s business model of shuttling rich shits around the south of England.

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Westminster willing to give up oil rights to keep Union Jack if Scotland votes for independence

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The proposed revision of the Union Jack has been variously described as “revenge for Margaret Thatcher” and “the vexillological equivalent of wearing shoes without socks.”

As the referendum for Scottish independence this Thursday approaches, Westminster has announced it will relinquish all claims to North Sea oil if they could just keep the blue background on the Union Jack.

Currently, the United Kingdom’s flag is a composite of those of its constituent countries – minus Wales, a decision that was as much about fucking over the Welsh as it is for the aesthetic reason of keeping a dragon off what is actually a decent design. If Scotland leaves the Union it will likely take the flag of St. Andrews with it, leaving the Union Jack without any blue (pictured). In response to this prospect the government in London has stated that it will “strongly consider” giving up any claims to oil in the North Sea in return for keeping the flag as it is. A spokesperson said: “We are willing to make concessions just as long we don’t get stuck with such an ugly flag. It looks like someone tried to print a real one out but ran out of ink half way.”

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Nick Clegg ‘s phone battery “lost charge” during benefit bill Commons vote

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The NATO summit was held over 4-5 September in Newport and Cardiff.

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was out of reach last week during the House of Commons vote to back the Affordable Homes bill due to a dead phone battery and lack of charger, it has been revealed.

The vote saw Labour and the Liberal Democrats defeat the Conservatives 306 to 231 to overcome the first hurdle of passing a bill that could help reverse some of the changes to benefits payments introduced during the Coalition’s premiership. Nick Clegg was not present as he was attending a NATO summit in Wales, and did not vote. As the Liberal Democrats began to give their ayes to the bill, David Cameron made several phone calls to Clegg in order to take his vote by proxy, which were met with Clegg’s voicemail as his mobile phone battery lost its charge half an hour before the bill was put to the House of Commons. Several text messages were also sent in a last-ditch attempt to reach him:

you around?? We’re putting some stupid bill to a vote and we could really do with your vote here mate

i get it, this your revenge for that whole tuition fee u-turn thing right? fine we’re even JUST GET ON THE PHONE PLEASE!!!!

if you don’t answer your phone in 5 minutes I swear I’ll get Nigel to challenge you to another TV debate

On his return to London, Clegg stated that he would have totally voted against the bill if he could, and sincerely regretted forgetting to bring a charger, or asking any of the leaders to borrow theirs during the summit.

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Area man wishes his friends could put their dicks down for one second and engage him in a debate about the leak of celebrity nude photos

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Jennifer Lawrence was one of many female celebrities whose private photos and videos were leaked on 31 August.

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