Geological evidence reveals contraception killed the dinosaurs

The theory that an asteroid impact drove the dinosaurs to extinction is being challenged by the discovery of artefacts next to fossils that weren’t put there by some scheming creationist, which suggest that dinosaurs developed a society and culture of hedonism in the run-up to their demise.

Cone-shaped devices found embedded in the pelvic region of a Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton has led palaeontologists to believe that they had invented a rudimentary form of contraception – likely borne out of the necessity of sexual pleasure without the hassle of eggs that was previously impossible for an animal with such short arms. This, combined with the lack of smaller skeletons in the fossil record afterwards, points towards the conclusion that they simply died out once they discovered the secret to consequence-free orgies. Any eggs that were laid due to condom failure were quickly devoured by mammals while the mother was too busy having sex, sealing the fate of Earth’s largest fauna.

The Catholic Church has given the research a warm reception, making the following statement: “We knew the dangers of contraception all along, I wish people would listen to us sometimes. Next they’re going to tell us they discovered that the Neanderthals were wiped out by gay marriage.”

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One thought on “Geological evidence reveals contraception killed the dinosaurs

  1. Eagle Tech says:

    Yes, the evidence is clear. If dinosaurs weren’t engaged in debauchery they might have noticed that very large rock, bigger than sin, approaching. They would have prepared properly by digging a hole and stocking it with toothbrushes, canned Stegosaurus, and an adequate supply of Gideon’s Bibles. And don’t forget the Zuniceratops blood around the hole’s entrance. Dinosaurs, the original story of Sodom and Gomorrah.

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