The freak wintery weather hitting the UK and parts of North America this week and back in January has prompted the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) to declare 2013 the worst year for climatology since it became a legitimate discipline, even though it’s only March.
Global warming critics, fossil fuel addicts and polar bear haters alike have desperately clung onto the short-term localised drop in temperatures to legitimise sticking their fingers in their ears and burning jerry cans of petrol whenever the topic of rising global temperatures is brought up. Making matters worse is the weather coinciding with the vernal equinox, taken by many to be the deadline for the transition into spring. The Met office has advised the public that 21st March is merely a recommended guideline for the the end of winter, and that in the meantime people should to pretend that it’s still Christmas but with Jesus dying instead.
God expressed his bewilderment at everyone’s reaction through Morse-coded lightning strikes: “You’re kidding me, right? I saw all those lunatics holding scientists back from their jobs of stopping global warming, so I bought them time by lowering temperatures a little bit and increasing the Earth’s albedo with all that snow. And what are they doing? They’re laying down salt to melt it before it even settles. Teaches you to think twice before creating sentient beings.”