USA declares war on entropy

The world’s most powerful country has declared war on entropy this morning, stating that “not even the second law [of thermodynamics] will save it now”.

American scientists were reported to have had a good laugh after the watching the press conference, before the realisation sunk in that their country had genuinely extended their running streak of declaring war on abstract concepts. Many of those working closely with the military took time out from working on the “atom bomb of the 21st century” to advise the Department of Defense on their plan of attack. They have so far recommended treating entropy like an internet troll: responding (with weapons) will only serve to strengthen the enemy.

In his statement, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, told citizens that “everyone is in this war”, and that even regular folk can contribute to the fight. The Department of Defense has also issued a list of ways that civilians can fight entropy, available on its website. The tips include cutting down on physical activity, and reducing fuel and food consumption – putting America’s citizens in the dilemma of whether going to war is more American than guzzling petrol and donuts.

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