Entire world to be classified as Europe by 2084

Every single country in the world will be granted status as a European country by 2084, when it is expected that Botswana, the most un-European country, finally enters the Eurovision Song Contest.

The Eurovision Song Contest was started in the 1950’s by Switzerland as a way to start fights with western Europe without having to declare war, something it historically hasn’t been very good at. From the initial inclusion of obvious choices like Germany and France, the ESC began allowing the rest of Europe to take part. 1973 saw the first suspect entrant in Israel, conceivably because they blackmailed Germany into letting them in. Since then the slippery slope steepened with Turkey (only technically classified as Europe), Tunisia, Morocco and recently Azerbaijan qualifying to enter.

With Qatar and Kazakhstan applying for eligibility and the European Broadcasting Union’s history of letting in pretty much anyone, the first South American country is expected to enter by the 2030’s, followed by China leading East Asia in 2055. The EBU will be more than willing, as these regions lack the balkanisation that has made the contest a humiliating karmic justice for imperialism for the countries that bankroll the EBU. In the 2060’s the first sub-Saharan country will enter, an tired of being the last to pick up every global trend ever, and by the time Botswana enters the ESC for the first time, the contest will consist of five qualification stages, have 50 nations reaching the final everyone will be forced to learn English in order to understand their home country’s song. And Turkey will be throwing its hands up in the air asking why it’s still not in the European Union.

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