English Defence League superhero Tommy Robinson made a press statement this afternoon calling for change in the organisation’s philosophy.
“When do you ever hear the EDL in the news? It’s always in response to something Muslims have done. This means we’re fighting on their terms, dodging their punches. I’m sick of this defensive phisolophy [sic], when’s the last time one of our lads took the initiative to go out there and decapitate someone, unprovoked? The EDL was founded to stop the spread of Islamimism [sic], but we can only do that if go on the offensive, before they get to our working class families, churches and schools. You know, it scares me that we have to wait for our friends and family to get butchered before we go and burn a mosque or force-feed bacon vodka to an imam. We should be doing these things to protect this country, not as a responsive measure. There is one problem, though, we can’t rename ourselves the EAL because that also means English as an Additional Language. We don’t want to attract people who can’t even speak this country’s language properly.”