Experts at the Met Office have attributed the heavy rain and lightning across much of the UK to the birth of the Antichrist on British soil.
“We were expecting this. Our
prophecies climate models predicted the spawn of Satan to walk the Earth on the cusp of Leo and Cancer, bringing with it weather the likes of which this country has never seen. I know people were enjoying the clear skies and now the relief of rain, but believe me, this is not something to be welcomed. We advise everyone to stay indoors at all costs, and to dig a network of tunnels if travel is absolutely necessary.”
“We’re not yet sure who the Antichrist is, but it will be of ‘crustacean blood’ and silver-mouthed. While we don’t condone anyone who slays newborns matching this description, we are not condemning it, either. It should also be noted that the birth of this child will be celebrated occasion by mortals. Such is the deceitful nature of the Devil.”