Merrill Lynch invoices Moritz Erhardt’s family with uncompleted paperwork

The last time Erhardt was ever seen wearing casual attire.

The pile of reports left by Moritz Erhardt’s untimely demise was mailed to his family upon the realisation that they hadn’t been completed despite a record-breaking string of all-nighters for an intern.

“They’re not going to finish themselves. The rest of us are already working at 100% capacity so we can’t do it, and it’s not like we had anticipated that the kid would buckle after just three straight days of working so we don’t have any backup plans. Even if he survived, we would have had to let him go: we don’t employ pussies here at Merrill Lynch.”

Along with the reports, the banking giant sent complimentary amphetamines, sleeping pills and a DVD of Glengarry Glen Ross to ensure that the family get the reports done on time, since the they obviously can’t handle their 18-hour work days.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: