Voyager 1 confirms Universe having four spatial dimensions

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“I feel like I’m in space version of Groundhog day.”

Voyager 1’s most recent departure from the Solar System has provided strong evidence that the Universe is made of four dimensions even not counting time, despite whatever general relativity has to say on the matter.

The spacecraft has been on roughly straight trajectory ever since leaving the gravitational influence of the Solar System, which means that it could only have left it more than once by travelling through a fourth dimension that allows it to loop back on itself. The possibility that Voyager 1 simply got a gravity assist from an unknown planet, but the odds of one massive enough that far out existing, and Voyager to swing by it rather than smashing into it were deemed “astronomical”. Suggested modifications to Newtonian gravity were laughed straight out of the room.

The prevailing alternative hypothesis is that the Universe is simply our own solar system copied over infinitely many times, but has been rejected by most of the scientific community because it’s too unsettling. However, the new finding also explains why USB connectors take three tries to plug in, as well as how boomerangs work. “We didn’t really understand how boomerangs work, until now. Aboriginal Australians probably have no idea that they mastered the fourth dimension before doing anything with the third.”

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