Man glad humans aren’t responsible for decline of Tasmanian Devil

A consultant in London was reported to be relieved that the endangered status of an animal isn’t a result of human activity for once.

The Tasmanian Devil, unlike its cartoon counterpart, is currently experiencing a rapid decline in population due to a transmissible form of facial cancer that not only kills its victims but makes them so ugly that nothing will breed with them. Twenty-something James, who works providing services in an office, read about the origins of the disease during his lunch break and gave a huge sigh of relief that the marsupial was going extinct through no fault of his own species. “Global warming, deforestation and pollution are destroying our ecosystem, and the poor sods who can’t afford to get out. It’s nice to know that for once one of the multitude of things going to shit in this world isn’t my fault or humanity’s as a whole. I’m guilt-tripped enough as it is: right now I’m sipping a latte made of coffee beans harvested by people whose salary is less than my weekly wage, and apparently I’m perpetuating their misery.”

James was also comforted by the continual rise in temperatures over the next 5 billion years as a result of the Sun burning through its hydrogen, making anthropogenic global warming seem like a joke in comparison.

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