This year’s top nine Halloween costumes

Not sure on what to wear this Halloween? Here are a few ideas:

1. QE3 – staple several million 100-dollar bills to a business suit and give yourself Ben Bernanke’s facial hair. When the punch runs low at a party, you have to top it up with juice.

2. Lady Gaga – pick a Halloween costume of your choice, make the hat 10 times larger and claim to everyone that you’re doing it to express yourself and not for the attention.

3. White Supremacist from Breaking Bad – an extra 10 points for every person you slay who’s dressed as Walter White.

4. Heath Ledger’s Joker – everyone will be too busy complaining about the lack of creativity of Breaking Bad costumes to notice that yours is not only done to death and to an infinitely higher standard, but entirely dated.

5. Robin Thicke – take a pinstripe suit that’s been washed until the colours run, and make every effort to annoy anyone who claims to be a feminist.

6. Press Regulation Royal Charter – wear nappies and suck your thumb, only taking breaks to wail and thrash on the floor whenever someone says your costume is shit because it’s just a nappy.

7. Project Tempora – dress yourself as a black box while sitting in a corner silently listening to everyone’s conversations. If anyone tries to talk about your costume (they won’t even see you), divert the conversation at all costs.

8. British Weather in 2013 – bring five outfits that you never wear and switch between them every 30 minutes.

9. World War Z  – go as a werewolf.

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