Conservative party to turn lead into gold

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And we didn’t even have to delete the Internet to do it.

Following the Conservative party’s complete success in erasing all traces of their broken promises, which include a freeze on VAT rates and a pledge to keep Education Maintenance Allowance, David Cameron has given the go-ahead to a plan to transmute lead into gold.

The Prime Minister explained that the difficult part is over. “We’ve successfully removed any evidence that we pledged to keep universal child benefits. After that, coaxing the 10^27 or so protons to undergo electron capture to turn lead into gold is trivial.” As of yesterday, none of the ten pledges listed in this article can be found anywhere on the Internet, and especially not archived in the British Library.

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