Mobile companies brace themselves for DDoS of their networks

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Telecoms companies across the UK are preparing for a potential distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attack on their mobile phone networks at the stroke of midnight tonight.

According to intelligence gathered, millions of people will be simultaneously making several phone calls and sending up to tens of text messages at the very beginning of 1 January 2014, causing large amounts of delays in receiving messages and making phone calls almost impossible. To get around the problem of people’s watches, clocks and phones being slightly out of sync, a universal signal will be used, which will be broadcasted on terrestrial TV and radio, as well as being visible and audible throughout much of London. As soon as the Big Ben chimes, that will signal everyone to launch their attack on all mobile networks but 3, whose coverage is so awful there’s no need to bother sabotaging it in the first place.

The attack will consist of a mixture of phone calls of loud shouting and music punctuated by the occasional ‘happy New Year’ and ‘can you hear me?’, and SMS messages consisting of jokes and poems that the recipient has hopefully forgotten he or she received an exact copy of the previous time last year.

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