A statement released by the Conservative party this morning revealed that they would express great sorrow in the event of the untimely yet completely accidental demise of Labour leader Ed Milliband.
“We offer our deepest condolences to anyone affected by the death of Bob Crow and Tony Benn, two great Labour statesmen who happened to die one very soon after the other this week. We would like to assure that the Labour party and particularly its voters that, should Ed Milliband fall to a brutal and unexpected death during this time of mourning, they will not be alone in their grief of losing so many esteemed members in such a short time. It would be not only a terrible shame if something happened to Ed Milliband, but a great surprise to all – man in his prime: one can only imagine the means required to bring down a healthy adult. In the face of such loss, we will stand united regardless of political stance, or which box we tick in the electoral booth.”