Russia announces plans to install gay missile defence system

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As well as gay missiles, the system’s advanced gaydar capabilities will be able to detect the presence of rainbows up to 1300 kilometres away.

Russia Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov announced plans today that will see an array of anti-gay-missile shields installed along Russia’s border with Ukraine.

The system will comprise of two components. State-of-the-art gaydar stations that will be able to detect incoming gay missiles (and regular ones painted in fabulous colours), homosexual weapon payloads and gay-sympathising soldiers coming from Eastern Europe. Once the target has been acquired, batteries of grey kilowatt lasers will be fired to destroy it, or at least make it less gay before impacting Russia. The system, whose construction begins late 2014, will cost Russia an estimated $50 billion over the next five years, though this will be offset by the boost to the economy that a booming population will bring, thanks to the increase in heterosexual sex.

Despite the obvious benefits to Russia of the array to defend it from the omnipresent threat that gay missiles and activists pose, many are concerned that it may be used against them if hijacked, as its detection capabilities could be used by the enemy to seek out and have hook up with other hot single males in the area.

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One thought on “Russia announces plans to install gay missile defence system

  1. EagleAye says:

    Russia will really have their hands full with this project as it requires many scientists who need to come out of the closet to help the project finish off. New gay missiles are being developed that are hard to pickup on gaydar, They use a booster system (known as “reach around”) that makes them quite fast. There are also a number of holes in Russia’s gaydar system that need to be plugged with the proverbial cork.

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