Monthly Archives: May 2014

Nigel Farage wants to divorce his wife but also to keep having sex with her

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“Being in a marriage is not only a drain on my wallet but also removes my executive control of major decisions. And what do I get in return? Sex maybe twice a week and someone to cuddle every now and again – things I can get without being tied down to a union with another person. I look towards a couple of my friends as examples, who have a “friends with benefits” arrangement without the hassle of emotional or financial attachment. I think that’s a relationship model that I should personally strive for.”

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Jeremy Clarkson urges people not to watch Top Gear at full volume

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After being given a “final warning” by the BBC for saying the racial slur “nigger” on national television – immediate dismissal if he says anything offensive – long time presenter of Top Gear and eurosceptic Jeremy Clarkson has urged, for the sake of his career, that everyone watches his show with the volume turned down a bit.

In response to the BBC’s statement, Jeremy Clarkson asked everyone to show a bit of consideration by watching Top Gear as quietly as possible in order to avoid anyone potentially hearing anything else that’s discriminatory or racist that he mutters under his breath.  He added: “Ideally, you’d be watching Top Gear on mute: why should you even be paying attention to what we’re saying when the show is all about the cars? If you wanted to hear the banter of three middle-aged men who aren’t really that funny you can go to the pub.” The appeal came after Jeremy Clarkson’s realisation that his entire career revolves around being slightly offensive, and that the BBC will otherwise probably find at least five reasons to fire him in the next shooting of the show.

He also recommends the same for his apology video, because if you listen very carefully with the volume turned up high, you can hear his feet furiously backpedalling.

 

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