Sun readers now looking for other excuses for why they’re reading The Sun

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The Sun announced that it is replacing Page 3 with another page that is numbered three but without boobs, which means now its readers need to find other ways to justify reading the tabloid newspaper that ranks somewhere between double-ply and single-ply toilet paper in terms of journalism quality.

Previously, people reading the Sun -typically by picking it up on buses where it was left by commuters up at 6am (the only demographic sleep-deprived enough to pay for such crap)- could at least say it’s only because of the naked women or their refreshingly naive opinions on current affairs. They could then rest assured that everyone will think that they’re only reading the rest of the paper so as to not look like they picked it up just for Page 3.

However, in the absence of consensual nudity, they will be forced to admit that they genuinely enjoy reading articles with the factual content of a Buzzfeed list, while having their command written English ruined at the same time. It will be harder yet to explain why they would prefer reading the advice column when they can stream Jeremy Kyle on ITVplayer on their smartphones for free.

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