Since continuing his tradition of running for president every four years as a way of distracting people from his ridiculous haircut, Trump has compared the average Mexican immigrant to a rapist in an 881-word speech and and made tasteless period jokes about Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly just to remind people not to take him seriously. In spite of his efforts to sound as well-informed as his business decisions, opinion polls show that his lead has only been slightly dented.
The real estate heir and The Apprentice star has even put forward an overly simplistic flat tax proposal that will need unicorns shit enough dollars to make up for the shortfall in tax receipts, in a last-ditch attempt to convince people that this is not the person to be put in charge of the world’s largest economy and nuclear stockpile. However, Trump’s endeavours were doomed to fail from the start as this is the same country where people still refuse pay rises on the belief that moving into a higher tax bracket reduce their take-home pay.
Trump is currently working on a statement that will appeal to pro-lifers’ stance against women’s rights while maintaining the visceral horror of aborting fetuses.