Tag Archives: ukip

The guy who pushed us into the EU literally a child molester, say UKIP

Affable bloke simulation Nigel Farage was quick to remind everyone on Twitter this morning that same Edward Heath who’s suspected of involvement in child abuse also oversaw the UK’s entry into the European Union, or the European Economic Community as it was known back then.

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Thousands of immigrants reject being refused entry into UK

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Immigrants coming from outside the European Union are unanimously rejecting refusals to be granted visas to enter the UK, it has been revealed.

Despite promises by personnel at customs checkpoints that any immigrants will not be allowed into the country who do not meet the required criteria, they are finding themselves powerless but to accept waves of people who have travelled from as far as East Africa or Central Asia.

It appears that the immigrants have taken a leaf out of Nigel Farage’s book, who earlier announced that his resignation as leader of UKIP was rejected by its party members, and as such will begrudgingly return for another round of pints and frog impersonations.

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Nigel Farage wants to divorce his wife but also to keep having sex with her

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“Being in a marriage is not only a drain on my wallet but also removes my executive control of major decisions. And what do I get in return? Sex maybe twice a week and someone to cuddle every now and again – things I can get without being tied down to a union with another person. I look towards a couple of my friends as examples, who have a “friends with benefits” arrangement without the hassle of emotional or financial attachment. I think that’s a relationship model that I should personally strive for.”

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