Tag Archives: world cup

Luis Suarez signs sponsorship deal with Mars


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England fan has no secondary nationality to fall back on

A disappointed but unsurprised football fan today felt cheated by having purely Anglo-Saxon ancestry when England exited the World Cup with a game in hand, as it leaves him with no backup country to have a claim to reasonably support.

“I’m pure-bred English, my bloodline can be traced all the way back to 5th-century Anglo-Saxons. Now if one of them fucked a Norman I could’ve at least had a shot at supporting France, which aren’t doing too badly at the moment. It’s bloody embarrassing, Aaron is half Dutch and Dave’s like a sixteenth German. And Rakesh’s country isn’t even in the World Cup, so he basically gets a blank cheque to support whichever team he wants. I just wish England were either too shit to kick a ball straight, or got their act together and made an impact in an international tournament, rather than consistently fucking up in the most anticlimactic way. I mean, they didn’t even get disqualified until they were off the pitch. It’s like watching 11 Tim Henman clones play football.”

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