Millions of American gay couples now scrambling for excuses not to get married

Following the US Supreme Court ruling to legalise gay marriage, same-sex couples across the country are now having to quickly make up new excuses for why they aren’t going to tie the knot in the near future. Until today, they could easily sidestep the question by shaking an angry fist at their oppressive government. Now that the USA has finally pulled ahead of the likes of China and Turkey in civil rights, American gay men and women will need to be more creative with their excuses, like claiming that deep down they are homophobes who couldn’t bring themselves to accept gay marriage, or that they’re trying to avoid all the mistakes their parents made.

Vue to label cinemas as quiet zones to stop people from using their phones

Vue Cinema will be trialling fluorescent “Quiet Zone” labels in cinema screens at Stratford Westfield in an attempt to deter people from using their phones during film screenings.

Mobile phone usage at the cinema continues to be a problem, which which flies in the face of the conventional wisdom that you would not waste an experience you’ve literally paid time and money for by spending it making a phone call. The venue is therefore trying out the signs after seeing their unparalleled success on British rail networks in keeping people from using loud electronic devices, which is all the more unbelievable considering face-to-face conversations between two commuters about whether they prefer a fixed rate or variable mortgage is just fucking irritating.

The manager at Stratford explained the effectiveness of it on the trains. “If you stabbed a guy on a train into London and it was in a Quiet Zone, nobody would give a shit until the victim called 999. Within *seconds* some grumpy middle-aged cunt will see it as their civic duty to firmly remind them to take their call to the next carriage. If the sign can get Londoners to break their stoic indifference towards fellow passengers almost instantly, it should work in the cinema too.”

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