Russia buries several tonnes of cheese to disguise smell of mass grave where Putin’s enemies are buried

The guy who pushed us into the EU literally a child molester, say UKIP

Affable bloke simulation Nigel Farage was quick to remind everyone on Twitter this morning that same Edward Heath who’s suspected of involvement in child abuse also oversaw the UK’s entry into the European Union, or the European Economic Community as it was known back then.

Hoarder keeping steak in freezer in hopes that future technology can turn it into a better cut of meat

Ramadan observer learns plight of the poor by waiting until sunset to eat an entire bucket of KFC

Advances in cosmetic surgery make 65-year-old look like 45-year-old

Man glad he avoided the scam of buildings insurance as he watches his house burn down

An unnamed man remained secure in his decision to forgo buildings insurance for his house based on the negative expectation value of any policy he might take out, even as he watch it burn to the ground last night. “Myself and my family may be homeless now, but I get comfort from thinking that averaged over millions of parallel universes, I come out further ahead than I would if I bought insurance.”

Nigel Farage bets he could eat three shredded wheat

UKIP bossman Nigel Farage has hit out against David Cameron after his shredded wheat analogy to explain that he won’t serve a third term. He said this morning: “A real politician is so busy he needs the energy of at least three shredded wheat to keep him going until lunch.”

Highly prejudiced man open to the idea that there are worse things than gay men having sex

Boris Johnson announces expansion of “Help to Buy” scheme to allow Londoners to purchase entire bricks of houses

Scientists develop shoelaces that come undone just as you get home from work