Category Archives: Headlines

Russia buries several tonnes of cheese to disguise smell of mass grave where Putin’s enemies are buried

_84724190_84724189[1]

Advertisements
Tagged , , , ,

The guy who pushed us into the EU literally a child molester, say UKIP

Affable bloke simulation Nigel Farage was quick to remind everyone on Twitter this morning that same Edward Heath who’s suspected of involvement in child abuse also oversaw the UK’s entry into the European Union, or the European Economic Community as it was known back then.

_84572364_de27-2[1]

Tagged , , , ,

Man glad he avoided the scam of buildings insurance as he watches his house burn down

364404_952373-20150203-Fenderson2[1]

An unnamed man remained secure in his decision to forgo buildings insurance for his house based on the negative expectation value of any policy he might take out, even as he watch it burn to the ground last night. “Myself and my family may be homeless now, but I get comfort from thinking that averaged over millions of parallel universes, I come out further ahead than I would if I bought insurance.”

Tagged , ,

Nigel Farage bets he could eat three shredded wheat

nigel_farage_leader_of_uk_001_91936100[1]

UKIP bossman Nigel Farage has hit out against David Cameron after his shredded wheat analogy to explain that he won’t serve a third term. He said this morning: “A real politician is so busy he needs the energy of at least three shredded wheat to keep him going until lunch.”

Tagged , , , , ,